Monday 15 December 2014

Here comes Santa Claus... and a whole lotta crap food

Jen

I'm getting my period.  Yeah, yeah, TMI.  I know.  But couple PMS cravings (which happen to the best of us... popcorn, anyone?) with the Christmas holidays, and you've got a recipe for disaster.

So... much... food...
I've never been good at doing things on the fly.  Especially eating - if I don't have a plan of action, I will always always always pick and munch and eat way too much of all the wrong stuff.

I really like to eat. Did I mention that?

Anyway, I asked Trainer Jamie about how to go about this coming week.  We have friends over on Saturday. I have a girls' dinner Sunday.  My dad and brother and family come over Christmas Eve for the usual tortellini, and then there is Christmas itself, which is always full of bacon and eggs, toast, and then Christmas Dinner.

"So what should I do?" I asked, figuring this week would just be a write-off and we'd start again on Boxing Day.

"What do you mean, what do you do?" Trainer Jamie asked, looking at me like I Just Didn't Get It.

"Well there are all these things happening," I said, "Should I just-"

"What do you usually do every week?" Jamie asked slowly, cocking his head at me, an amused expression on his face.  I could see where he was going with this.  I was hoping I wouldn't have to punch him.

"Well... I eat clean all week and have one cheat meal."

"Ok," he said, as if the matter was settled.

I wound up to punch him and realized he's about 100lbs bigger than I am, with three black belts.  I revised.  I whined a little,

"But baaaaabe..."

A stern look came over him.  "Jenny,"  He said, "you just have to change your perspective.  Christmas doesn't have to be made memorable by stuffing your face and feeling over-full and like a failure.  You can still hang out with people and eat what you're supposed to.  It's in your head."

I hate it when he's right.

So here is my plan:  Saturday with friends is easy - I eat clean.  Sunday will be a cheat meal (hopefully pizza!) with the girls.  Christmas Eve, the tortellini night, I will make salad like I would anyway and skip the pasta in favor of tuna (with goat cheese, yum!).  And Christmas day I will just measure my turkey and skip the stuffing.  It's really no big deal.

I say that now, but of course I will be tempted.  Picking is a huge hurdle of mine, so I will have to plan and make sure there are lots of veggies to snack on instead of cheese and crackers.

I can do this.  Bring it on, Santa!

Why it takes a village

(ana)
I'm back.... and feeling a little more humble and at peace since I last blogged.  Some of you where kind enough to reach out and send your support and kind words.  Thank you. You are now officially part of my village.  You made me realize that it's not about the race, it's about the lessons I'm learning along the way.

Trainer Jamie, in his usual amazing way, put things into perspective for me today.  I want to share that with you.  Even though I know this, it's important to hear it again and again until I actually "know" it.

He told me that you never learn anything by winning, but you learn so much more by losing (struggling).  It's the lessons along the way when you are struggling with whatever you may be struggling with that is the whole point of anything.  Getting on stage, or not getting on stage is not the point of all this.  It's the lessons I learn about myself. 

So what lessons am I learning?  Or should be learning if I'm paying attention:

1. I'm way way too hard on myself.  I hold myself up to extremely high expectations and I don't celebrate the small victories.
2. I try to hard to prove myself to others and myself. My ego needs a break.
3. I see my inability to succeed at everything as a failure.

4. I need to chill the hell out.

And he reminded me that I'm actually at a really wonderful point in all this.  How so?  Well, weight has always been an issue with me. Not a huge one, but something I have wanted to change for most of my life.  And through this process, I am learning that it's definately not the excerice because that I can do extremely well and I love it.  It's not my diet because I have been working on that and it's a science at this point.  So what's left?  The stress.  Stress is keeping me from getting to the goal.  This is a huge piece of information that I now know because of the "failures/struggles" I have faced so far on this journey.  This is actually great news if you think about it. 

Through the process of elimination, this is I am left working with and it's going to be the toughest climb of all.  Why, because I have a busy life like most people and I need to get a handle on my stress or it will kill me at some point.  So getting the stress under control will help me in so many ways and make my life so so much better.  So, this is good.  I know understand what I need to do, and I just need to do it.  Period.

So thank you to all the members of my little village, who I know love me, support me, and keep me going.  It really does take a village.  And thanks for reading our blogs as well. It's nice knowing that my/our collective struggles may be helping others out there.  Peace and until next time........

Strive for progress...not perfection.



Friday 12 December 2014

Today I want to quit. Period.

(ana)
Today sucked.  My spirit is broken, I feel like a big fat failure, and I really don't want to be doing this anymore.  This is the toughest process I have ever gone through, mentally.  Every avenue I take to try and get things moving the way they need to, ends up at a bunch of nothing.  I move a tiny bit, then stay put for another long and painful period of nothing happening. 

The fact that I have lots of muscle, am strong as an ox, work my ass off at the gym, means nothing if I can't shed the weight.  Maybe short Portuguese girls weren't meant to do fitness shows.  Maybe.  I swear that I'm trusting the process, I really am.  I listen intently to Trainer Jamie and do as I am told. I don't even do cheat days really.  I don't waver, I don't cheat, and I stick to the plan.

I guess I just really suck at this.

Today I was also a shitty team player.  I wasn't there for my girls and wasn't there to congratulate them on their victories.  Not cool on my part at all.  I spent an incredible amount of energy today during our workout holding the tears back.  Bailey and Jen are doing amazing things with their program and are an inspiration to me every day.  So, good job girls and I'm sorry for being such a pussy today.  I really did suck today on so many levels.

I want to quit. period. Go back to eating what I want when I want and stop weighing myself every week.  Not sure my soul can take it much longer.

Will I quit?  Anyone who knows me, knows I'm as stubborn as they come.  I am not going to let this beat me.  Yes, I'm in the middle of a huge pity party as I write this, but perhaps this will help me through it.  I can't wallow in this much longer as I have 2 kids coming home from school in an hour who look up to me in many ways.  Need to put on my "it's been a tough day, but I'm good" face.  Sometimes that's the toughest part of all.

Apparently, stress is an issue that may be keeping the fat on.  I know this and feel it, but how to fix that is another question. I can't just up and leave my life to rid myself of the stress.  So the next step in this shit show is to figure out how to un-stress my life.  Breathe, Ana, breathe. 

Wednesday 10 December 2014

The road to success is paved with ....well lots of bacon

(ana)

Some days I feel like I'm on a treadmill going nowhere.  It's been tough losing the body fat. It must be the fact that I'm just around the counter from 50 or that my body is as stubborn as my head is.  There are times that I swear I can hear my body screaming "no, it's mine, it's mine and you can't have it. piss off and leave me alone."  My body has been carrying around this fat for such a long time that it doesn't want to part with it, or so it seems.

So, what do we do?  We dig deeper.  For the last 2 weeks, I have been on a diet of solely protein and fats.  No carbs at all.  This is to try to get my body into Ketosis (where it starts to use my stored fat as fuel).  So I'm allowed to eat as much protein and fat as I want for 2 weeks. Sounds like a great gig doesn't it?  But it's not, not really.  I can do without the starchy carbs, but no fruit has been really difficult.

And with that, I am confronted with an ample case of the "stupids".  Which some days is hard to handle when I'm trying to finish a difficult task, like say,  photocopy some things at the office.  Seriously, it's amazing how a lack of carbs makes my brain not work so good.   So trainer Jamie told me to eat some salad over the weekend....and I did.  But I waited to long to do so and literally had an all out crying fit into my salad bowl as I tried to keep it down.  It was a gong show.  My partner Trevor, God love him, just stood there and watched the crying mess.  What's a supportive guy to do?

So, I know what you are wondering?  Is it working?  Hell ya it is.  Down 3 lbs, up 2 in muscle and down 2% body fat.  Is it fun?  no.

And we continue on the path, still trusting the process and keeping positive.  I am seeing some changes albeit they are slower than the other girls, but that's ok.  One day at a time.




Thursday 4 December 2014

Burn baby, burn... the Tale of the Tape

Jen

We are into Burn Phase.  And carb cycling.

What does that mean? Well, effectively it means that my legs and glutes are perpetually on fire, and that I have to hold the counter to sit down on the toilet.  It means I'm hungry one day, good the next, and stuffed the day after that. It also means I'm really starting to see my abs, which is great, because I could use some motivation!

Looking over the Tanita Tapes (the printouts of body fat, weight, water, etc) over the last 6 weeks, I was shocked to discover that my numbers have not changed a whole lot.  I've dropped some fat (2.6% to be exact), and gained some muscle, but my weight hasn't changed more than 2lbs since we began: I started at 127 and I'm down to 125.
Every week we weigh in and get a printout.  Looking back, numbers really don't tell me a lot.

Thank goodness for perspective, however.

Looking at these numbers alone, I would be discouraged.  2 lbs over six weeks is, well, sucky, really. Even when I didn't start out being "overweight".  Even if I did screw up a little here and there (remember the not-planning-well incident?).  Seeing only a 2 pound loss would be discouraging, if I didn't have the awesome Trainer Jamie and the Girls to keep me going and point out things like:

- I now fit into pants that I haven't fit into in awhile
- I don't suck in my belly anymore during the day. It now seems to suck itself in.  Bonus!
- I'm waaaaay stronger already (like, incline benching the 50's stronger. Oh yeah.)
- My bicep vein is making an appearance, as are some small striations in my back.

These developments, coupled with the fact that Christmas is approaching rapidly and I really want to get through the holiday eating frenzy unscathed, is keeping me going.

I will post some progress photos soon (if I ever remember to bring in my shorts).  Then you can see for yourself if I'm wasting my time or if things are really happening!

Until then, off to train.

Friday 21 November 2014

Guilty! I screwed up.

Jen

It wasn't my fault.

Ok, it totally was... I had come prepared to a networking meeting on Tuesday night with a protein shake at the ready. I knew there would be munchy food, and likely wine. Preparation for things like this lies in not being hungry (no one is that strong when their tummy is growling), and for me, not picking at anything, because once I start, I have trouble stopping.

So I was prepared. Except that I left my shake in the car.
Sigh. It would have been so easy...

"No worries," I thought to myself, "I can stop in at the new Whole Foods and grab a healthy salad."  Excellent, Jenny, excellent.  Way to not have to go back to the car; that would have taken a whole 3 minutes.

So I had a backup plan.  Except the Whole Foods wasn't open.

Now, here was the turning point of the evening. At this very moment, I should have headed dutifully back to my car and grabbed my shake.  But I didn't! Why? No idea... sometimes my brain does dumb things.

I went to the meeting thinking, "Ok, plan C - there will definitely be healthy things there, like veggies and all that. I can munch on that. I won't have to cheat at all! This is great."  I walked in to the meeting.

Pizza, fruit trays, chocolate, cream soup, more pizza, wine, meat trays, cheese. Fack.

So much for veggies...

It wasn't my fault!

Yes it was.  It really was.  I had ample opportunity to change things. I had three chances to go back to my car. I knew that being unprepared would lead me to eat the wrong things.  And yet I did it anyway.

And what did I get? Instead of the satisfying, apres-cheat-meal feeling of awesomeness that I really like (because it comes with the guilt-free satisfaction of knowing that i really earned it after a week of eating clean), I felt gross, guilty, and disappointed in myself.  I confessed to Trainer Jamie, who was very nice about it, but firm on the fact that I now don't get another cheat until next week.

I feel a little like a kid being put on time-out.  But that's how the meat tray crumbles, I guess.

Lesson learned, though - that is not happening again.  Preparation is key from now on!  I'm back on the wagon right away, which is important, and I've learned and moved forward.




Monday 10 November 2014

Discovering Traits I Never Thought I'd Have

Jen

When the thrill of the new subsides, and one's initial drive and motivation wanes for want of a burger or a glass of wine, one must look inward.

Yes... willpower and determination.  Both traits I am lacking.

Last show, I had Trainer Jamie and Husband Jamie to myself, and since we had just gotten married, he still was patient enough to sustain my hungry rants and whiny outbursts.  Five years and one three year-old later, and I'm not stupid enough to pull that shit again.

So I'm "on my own".  This is not to say that Jamie isn't or won't be supportive, but I must learn to cope with the ups and downs of training and dieting without asking Husband Jamie advice all the time.  Trainer Jamie is still fair game; he's just limited in time :)

I'm finding my cheat or "re-feed" meals so unsatisfying, so far.  I've had pizza, popcorn, burger, wine, chocolate chips with peanut butter... and I'm feeling rather lackluster about it all.  It's quite the anticlimax, I have to say.

Oddly, what I'm finding really satisfying is succeeding.  I'm not sure if that sounds ridiculous or smug, but it's true - at the end of a day when I've done well and not succumbed to my brain ranting about sipping diet coke or munching dark chocolate, I feel great.  A little wanting in the belly, but great nonetheless.

Does this mean I'm stronger?  More focussed?  Do I actually possess some grains of willpower and determination after all?  I guess only time will tell, but for now I will hold out some hope that I have even shadows of either.

The stage awaits.  I'm looking ahead.

Leg day on Friday = a weekend of funny walks and stair avoidance.



(ana) oh leg day, how I secretly love you and hate you at the same time.

So, if you have never seen my legs, they are, well, "pretty awesome" to quote my team mate Bailey.   :). But as strong and powerful as they may seem to some, they often leave me shaking my head in wonder as I try to do 25 simple leg extensions with virtually no weight and feel like my quads are going to be ripped off the bone. Soooooo painful and hard.   Yes, read that with a whiney voice.  
How can I leg press over 540 pounds and survive to tell the take but the 25 reps on the leg extension makes me want to cry.   Things are not often what they seem, I am learning.

Trainer Jamie was away so we were trainer by trainer Kevin. Just as hard and brutal. We worked on quads first and hamstrings. By the time hamstrings came along, we were all a wobbling mess. We had to lie down on our tummies on a bench, then raised legs and hips off the bench to engage the hamstrings.   First set, hard.  second set, I was getting tired and frustrated at how long they were taking. So took a deep breathe and pounded them out like they were nothing.   Please be assured they were awfully hard, but I figured the faster I got them done the better. 

Trainer Kevin was very entertained by my tired and desperate shenanigans.   Glad I was able to entertain him. :)

Friday 31 October 2014

Delicate Flower on Weigh-In Days

(ana)

so apparently, I am a delicate flower......when it comes to weigh in day.  :)  Who knew?.  Good lord, you'd think at my old age and with all the life experience I have (compared to my younger team mates in their crazy sport we are playing), that I'd be more even keeled, and chilled about a bunch of silly numbers that the machine spits out at me every friday.   

......But nope.  I struggle with the initial numbers I see thinking to myself "really???  WTF?  with all the hard work I'm putting in, the strickness of my diet, why did I gain 2.5 pounds this week.  

ARGH !!!!!!

And of course there is the good ole fashion habit I have of always comparing myself to others and Bails and Jen are doing great, losing weight every week, etc. blah, blah, blah.....

So trainer Jamie told me to take a deep breathe and watch and listen.  He explained the numbers to me more carefully and I now see that they aren't really that bad.  I have gained 3.4 lbs of fat free mass (meaning muscle), and was up 2.6 lbs of water weight (which is a good thing as I was dehydrated.) and lost 1.3 % of body fat (all in one week).  So that is good right?  Yes, it is.  and I'm feeling proud of my accomplishments eventhough the overall number on the scale went from 142.4 to 144.8.

Like trainer Jamie says, the numbers aren't always what they seem. So apparently, I build muscle easily which is a good thing I guess. 

This whole process is teaching me so much.  Our bodies are very different and nobody ever said that life was fair.  I may have to work harder, be even more diligent with everything I put in my body, but that's ok.   I need to be kinder to myself and pat myself on the back (which is getting pretty awesome, so they tell me as I can't see it.) for the accomplishments along the way, regardless how small. 

It's a One day a time kinda process.  I'm excited to see what next week brings.  And I have vowed to myself not to be so delicate next time I step on that scale.  :)

Happy Halloween everyone.

Remember that time I sucked it up?

Jen

This week has been full of temptation. I was expecting it, eventually, but week 2? 

Come on, now.

I wanted salty crackers on Monday. Sushi on Tuesday. Chocolate on Wednesday. I had to avoid cheesecake Thursday night (although cake isn't usually a temptation for me!) And today, Friday, is Halloween!

At least it's "re-feed day". Tonight I get a meal out with Husband Jamie. I think I might have a burger. None of this stuff:


I'm all for egg whites but hamburgers win today.

In all seriousness, though, I'm happy with how much I've been able to just suck it up and move on.

How's that, you might ask? 

Well, the advice is simple but not easy. It's something Trainer Jamie has told me time and again. It's about wanting the result and the long-term gains (or losses in my case) more than the instant gratification of yummy tidbits.

Ready for it?

You just... Do it.

Yeah, I know. I was underwhelmed too.  The thing is, that's really all there is to it. You look temptation in the face, acknowledge its presence, say, "No," and continue.

Try it :). It feels pretty good.

Tuesday 28 October 2014

Diving deep to find the strength

(ana)....  the training continues and I am learning what I like and what I don't in this whole process.  What I don't like, clearly, are things I need to work on for myself and therefore are difficult.   The training itself is tough and intense and there are moments when my brain screams, "What the heck are you doing?" but I manage to get through those tough spots.  I dig deep, and then deeper, and sometimes, thanks to our relentless trainer Jamie, I find even deeper places to pull from.  That I like, actually love because I am seeing the differences in my body already. Small, but I can see them.

What I don't like (find tough), is the food.  The other day, I actually felt like crying as I was trying to shove breakfast down and didn't want to eat.  Eating 5 meals a day is hard, every 3 hours on the nose and the food is pretty basic stuff at this point.  For a food lover like me, this is hard.  But again, I promise myself to trust in the process and just get it done.

And the patience is tough too.  I have decided to stop weighing myself on a daily basis because I am learning that this number doesn't mean much at this point and that it sets my mood into a tailspin.  My loving partner, Trevor, can attest to that.  :)  So to keep my home a happy place, we only weigh in at the gym on Fridays where the numbers make more sense.

I can do this.....I can do this......  sing it with me folks.......


A week so far..

Bails

Alright, I decided to wait a week before my next blog post. I really wanted to give the week a fair shot before unleashing to the internet world how terrible eating clean is (blah, blah). So in a week, this is my assessment of the diet portion so far.

Currently, my two LEAST favourite words in the dictionary are "food" and "preparation". I feel behind on life, simply because my evenings are filled with preparing more, more and MORE! If anyone tells you it is easy, they are lying. It is hard. It is a commitment. So you REALLY got to want it. "But I want to watch the season 4 finale of the Walking dead RIGHT NOW!" Nope Bailey, you have to food prep. Sucks, right? But it is what it is. I'm not going to look good in a bikini eating pizza and watching the Walking Dead (Believe me, I've tried that for 20+ years, hah!).

What have I learned about food? 

1. Well I believe Jen, Ana and I will be solely responsible for making chickens extinct. THAT'S how many boneless, skinless chicken breasts I've eaten.
2. Basa fillets, a species of Vietnamese catfish, tastes exactly how you think a bottom-feeder would taste - like mud. Even soaking them in lemon juice makes no difference, unless you like lemon-flavoured mud.
3. Baking sole in the oven is a HUGE piss off. I didn't realize how much the fillets shrink when they're cooked. Seriously, massive shrinkage. Which makes you have to cook MORE. Sigh.
4. Quinoa is not appealing at all. And it gets stuck in your teeth.
5. Thank GOD for apple cider vinegar or quinoa would be permanently fired from my meal planning. Period.
6. I did NOT eat enough food before starting this, making eating 4 ounce chicken breasts 5x/day a huge challenge, and slightly revolting.

What have I learned about myself?

I think I'm tougher then I give myself credit for. As much as I wanted to stamp my feet and protest, I stuck with it for the week! AND I lost 2 lbs eating more food then I've ever eaten, EVER.

THAT'S pretty cool.

At some points during the week, I thought I was going to throw up I was so full. So losing weight while feeling like an elephant was pretty shocking!

Without sounding too candid, I also learned that pooping is important. I like pooping daily. Its like a mini-victory every day. NOT pooping is taking away my daily victory. And I'm scared because I don't know where the food is going?!?! So I'm drinking like a whale and taking magnesium to hopefully speed up transit time. It's like Ottawa rush-hour in there - a parking lot!

So we'll see how week 2 of this goes! I'm trying hard to keep up work-out wise with the other 2 ladies, but they definitely got some years on me. Just got to try your hardest, right?

Here's to pooping!





Friday 24 October 2014

You can't spell "Legendary" without "Leg Day"

Jen

Oh man. It doesn't get easier, we just get better, right?

Right??

Leg day Friday. We died. So much glute activation... And I just have to say, I'm a huge wimp when it comes to legs. Ana destroyed me without even blinking! All weekend I was holding the counter to ease myself down onto the toilet, and wincing as I walked up and down stairs. 

So ladylike.

Friday was also weigh-in day; we were all pretty nervous. One thing I remember from last show is this: weight and body fat and all of those numbers quickly become objective measures.

One's worth should not be measured by one's fat. (Say that again if you need to). Actually, a quote I've come across on Pinterest says pretty much that, but better:


So yes. We all have fat still (and fingernails). Amazing! It's been a week! It feels longer....

In a week, I can honestly say I have re-learned that my body is awesome. It hasn't reached its potential yet (far from it), but it's strong, and capable of being lean and even stronger.

My trust in Jamie and his training skills is high. My trust in my diet is high. My love of chicken... Is waning.

But we press on.

Week 2, baby. Let's give 'er.

Tuesday 21 October 2014

Chicken and Rice with a Side of Trust

(ana)  There's this thing called trust.  And often it is very hard to do when you are facing something new in your life.  I have surrounded myself with an amazing coach and very supportive people as I go down this path to reach my goal, but I have to say that trusting the food part of this process is hard. 

We started on our food regime this week and we need to eat every 3 hours and I'm finding it a real challenge to stuff that food down.  The prepping, the cooking, and the constant eating seems like it takes up a lot of my time but I am trusting the process and trusting that it will work. 

I have been told that the first week is tough but soon when my body adjusts, all this food I can barely get down, will feel like not even close to being enough.  Hard to believe.....but I am adding a sprinkle of trust on this.

At this moment in the training, I'm finding the work outs easier (and they are not easy) than the food.  and the funny thing is, I LOVE FOOD.

Trust, trust, trust.......

Sunday 19 October 2014

The diet - making up the meals

Jen

Ugh. I have homework to do. As usual, I procrastinate, and so it's 8:30pm on Sunday and I'm using my macronutrients to create meals for myself on My Fitness Pal.  An arduous task at the best of times... and I'm a morning person.  So that was a little bit stupid on my part.

In any case, I've been successful in putting together some sample meals with the proper (ish) nutrients, that seem palatable and can be mixed around for variety.  I didn't include veggies in these calculations on Trainer Jamie's instructions (Trainer Jamie is a little different than his alter ego, Husband Jamie, whom I don't often listen to) ;)

Veggies are "free" for now - meaning I can eat all these meals with a salad, if I want, or a heap of broccoli, or even a green pepper (something I always crave when my intake of sugar regulates itself).

I decided that I would eat at the following times:
  • 6:15am (about an hour after I wake up)
  • 9am (my hungriest hour)
  • 11:45am (the only protein shake in the diet, pre-workout)
  • 1:30pm (post workout awesomeness)
  • 5pm (dinner with the little one)
  • 8:30pm (when munchies usually strike)
6 meals.  It's going to be fun :)

Here are some of the meals I've put together with the appropriate nutrients (approx 23g carbs, 5g fat and 35g protein).  
  • 1 egg, 1/2C egg whites, 1/3C chickpeas
  • smoothie with 1 small frozen banana, 1 tsp almond butter and 1 scoop of protein or 1/2C egg whites
  • Salad with a can of tuna, 1/4 of an avocado (or some oil and vinegar dressing), 1/4C quinoa
  • 1/2C spaghetti squash, 1C cottage cheese (1%), 10 almonds
  • 4 oz chicken breast with 1 tbsp salsa, 1/2C brown rice, 10 almonds
  • 3/4C lean ground turkey (with homemade taco seasoning), 1/2C brown rice, 6 almonds
That's all I've got for now. It's enough to make a day of it tomorrow.  Big Costco trip in my immediate future, though, I can sense it...

So stoked about this! It begins early tomorrow am!

Friday 17 October 2014

colourful language and giggles

(ana) And so it was that we finished off the week with leg day . Although I'm feeling groovy at the moment, I know that won't last.
Tomorrow as I drive my clients around to see 6 homes, I'm sure my legs will complain.  

And I must apologize to the regulars at the gym for the colourful language as we train. Mostly me actually but for some reason it just comes out. I will try to be more lady like in the future. And the laughs, well that helps too.

Ah, diet...

Jen

We got our macronutrients today, which means diet begins in full swing on Monday. I've always found this part to be the toughest in terms of my mental stability. I like to eat. Love it, actually. So I was super pleased when Jamie gave me my total calories: 1560. Woohoo!

Right now we are hitting about 55% protein, which is quite a bit, especially since I've made a promise to myself to eat whole foods, and little to no protein powder. I know I can do it- it's just going to take planning. My fitness pal app is going to be my friend through all this, I think.

Leg day today. Wish me luck!

Thursday 16 October 2014

Here we go....indeed

(Ana)  As the elder in this group of crazy women, I feel blessed to be working with an amazing trainer and friend, Jamie Wright, and to have the support of two great and strong gals, Jen and Bailey. 

Where I'm coming from, for those of you who may care to know...  I'm 47 and it has taken me many many years to fully appreciate my body and it's strength.  In this world of media always showing us that smaller and skinner is better, it's been tough at times to try and fit in.  With the support of my partner, my trainer and my friends at the gym, I have finally seen the light.  I'm never going to be a ballerina, and you know what, I'm good with that. 

So follow along on this journey we are taking and you might yourself getting motivated, you may laugh a little, and even feel sorry for us once in a while.  I'm so excited to see what I'm made of, to develop my inner strength and mental fortitude.  I have a goal and am pumped to see how it goes. 

You may think we are completely crazy and that women should not have muscles, well, this may not be the blog for you.  But I challenge you just the same to follow along.  We may change your mind.  This isn't just about the training, it's about growth, perseverance, dedication, and friendship.

My hope is that by contributing to this blog that I can prove to other women out there that are my age, that you are never too old.  If you want something bad enough, go get it.  Surround yourself with good people, supportive people and take one day at a time.  In our case, it is often one rep at a time. 

Peace, and out.

And it begins (or not?)..

Bailey

Unfortunately, I am not as eloquent as Jen when it comes to voicing how I feel about training for a fitness competition. Jen is so concise. Able to relate how she feels in a sentence or two. And you know exactly how she feels about it. She's excited, so much so she's vibrating!

And maybe that's where my problem is. I'm not sure how I feel about it - not just yet anyways. The idea of looking like a bikini competitor is exciting, no doubt. But the journey to get there is a scary one. Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a perfectionist. Being the perfectionist that I am, the thought of trying and not succeeding scares the crap out of me! And I feel like not succeeding is a very, VERY likely outcome, given my past history with food. Looking back, I've never been successful at fueling my body appropriately. I get stuck in the social aspect of food and beverages (alcoholic beverages, let's be real now). And the times where I felt I made a conscious effort to "be good" so to speak, I have been unsuccessful and very frustrated. All rabbit food and no weight loss makes Bailey a dull girl.. and a bitch. Hah!

Sound familiar? I'm sure most people have been in my shoes. "Might as well eat whatever the hell I want if nothing is going to change!" (Insert next excuse now). (And another). (Might as well throw in one more). Sigh.

The nice thing is I have two very strong and beautiful ladies behind me. And very motivated ladies. That's scary though as well. I don't like the idea of people seeing me struggling. Struggling seems lame, and I don't want to be the dark horse dragging the whole team down because I'm too much of a lame-o to believe in myself. They seem to believe in me 100%, and part of me says "thanks" while the other says "don't you know me! I can't do this (and holy crap, I REALLY want a beer right now!)".

So I'm going to take it one step at a time. We'll see where this whole thing goes. Either way I'm really excited to cheer on these 2 amazing ladies taking this journey as well! You should see them, they rock!

So my first blog is complete! I apologize if my blogs to come sound A LOT like this one. I have a feeling they will! My internal struggle with should I, or should I not.. Here's to the future!


And it begins...

Jen

Well, here I am again.  It's been five years since I've done a fitness show, and I can honestly say I didn't think I'd be heading down this road again.

Trainer Jamie and his girls: Ana, Jen, Bails
Not that competing wasn't a fantastic experience - it was amazing, challenging, and exciting - but it was hard.  Like, really hard.  And in some ways I'm tougher than I've ever been (I've now been through labour and the arduous process of opening a business), but in other ways I feel weaker.  More scattered.  Older and a little more worn.

Do I have time for this? my inner self wonders, do I have the fortitude?  I know that I did, once.  I managed to break through many food-related barriers on my last journey.  I was dedicated, resolved, and so, so strong.  I had weak moments, and I pushed through them, with the help of my husband (and trainer), Jamie.

I think of the stage.  I blossomed up there, a natural in the spotlight.  I smiled with ease and I truly enjoyed every minute of that day... especially winning 4th place, which I hadn't expected (my goals were simply to not look fat, and to remain standing in my heels)!

My goals will be different now, I realize.  I am not going to be satisfied with just "making it" to the stage.  I want to place well, this time.  I want to really see what I can do.  And I know, five years later, that I have more potential.  My muscles have matured and grown.  My ability to be self-critical (and realistic!) has broadened.  I have more resolve when it comes to food.

Training with Ana and Bails will be a treat, too - these chicks are so amazingly tough.  We had our first bodybuilding workout with Jamie yesterday (ow, my pecs!).  I'm going to have to work hard to keep up!  Bailey is the young'un in our group, with the least experience, but wow, the strength on her!  And Ana has been around a gym for ever - her legs are my inspiration.

Stay tuned for more fun.  This is week one of many to come...