Jen
When the thrill of the new subsides, and one's initial drive and motivation wanes for want of a burger or a glass of wine, one must look inward.
Yes... willpower and determination. Both traits I am lacking.
Last show, I had Trainer Jamie and Husband Jamie to myself, and since we had just gotten married, he still was patient enough to sustain my hungry rants and whiny outbursts. Five years and one three year-old later, and I'm not stupid enough to pull that shit again.
So I'm "on my own". This is not to say that Jamie isn't or won't be supportive, but I must learn to cope with the ups and downs of training and dieting without asking Husband Jamie advice all the time. Trainer Jamie is still fair game; he's just limited in time :)
I'm finding my cheat or "re-feed" meals so unsatisfying, so far. I've had pizza, popcorn, burger, wine, chocolate chips with peanut butter... and I'm feeling rather lackluster about it all. It's quite the anticlimax, I have to say.
Oddly, what I'm finding really satisfying is succeeding. I'm not sure if that sounds ridiculous or smug, but it's true - at the end of a day when I've done well and not succumbed to my brain ranting about sipping diet coke or munching dark chocolate, I feel great. A little wanting in the belly, but great nonetheless.
Does this mean I'm stronger? More focussed? Do I actually possess some grains of willpower and determination after all? I guess only time will tell, but for now I will hold out some hope that I have even shadows of either.
The stage awaits. I'm looking ahead.
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