Guilty! I screwed up.

Jen

It wasn't my fault.

Ok, it totally was... I had come prepared to a networking meeting on Tuesday night with a protein shake at the ready. I knew there would be munchy food, and likely wine. Preparation for things like this lies in not being hungry (no one is that strong when their tummy is growling), and for me, not picking at anything, because once I start, I have trouble stopping.

So I was prepared. Except that I left my shake in the car.

Sigh. It would have been so easy...

"No worries," I thought to myself, "I can stop in at the new Whole Foods and grab a healthy salad."  Excellent, Jenny, excellent.  Way to not have to go back to the car; that would have taken a whole 3 minutes.

So I had a backup plan.  Except the Whole Foods wasn't open.

Now, here was the turning point of the evening. At this very moment, I should have headed dutifully back to my car and grabbed my shake.  But I didn't! Why? No idea... sometimes my brain does dumb things.

I went to the meeting thinking, "Ok, plan C - there will definitely be healthy things there, like veggies and all that. I can munch on that. I won't have to cheat at all! This is great."  I walked in to the meeting.

Pizza, fruit trays, chocolate, cream soup, more pizza, wine, meat trays, cheese. Fack.

So much for veggies...

It wasn't my fault!

Yes it was.  It really was.  I had ample opportunity to change things. I had three chances to go back to my car. I knew that being unprepared would lead me to eat the wrong things.  And yet I did it anyway.

And what did I get? Instead of the satisfying, apres-cheat-meal feeling of awesomeness that I really like (because it comes with the guilt-free satisfaction of knowing that i really earned it after a week of eating clean), I felt gross, guilty, and disappointed in myself.  I confessed to Trainer Jamie, who was very nice about it, but firm on the fact that I now don't get another cheat until next week.

I feel a little like a kid being put on time-out.  But that's how the meat tray crumbles, I guess.

Lesson learned, though - that is not happening again.  Preparation is key from now on!  I'm back on the wagon right away, which is important, and I've learned and moved forward.

Discovering Traits I Never Thought I'd Have

Jen

When the thrill of the new subsides, and one's initial drive and motivation wanes for want of a burger or a glass of wine, one must look inward.

Yes... willpower and determination.  Both traits I am lacking.

Last show, I had Trainer Jamie and Husband Jamie to myself, and since we had just gotten married, he still was patient enough to sustain my hungry rants and whiny outbursts.  Five years and one three year-old later, and I'm not stupid enough to pull that shit again.

So I'm "on my own".  This is not to say that Jamie isn't or won't be supportive, but I must learn to cope with the ups and downs of training and dieting without asking Husband Jamie advice all the time.  Trainer Jamie is still fair game; he's just limited in time :)

I'm finding my cheat or "re-feed" meals so unsatisfying, so far.  I've had pizza, popcorn, burger, wine, chocolate chips with peanut butter... and I'm feeling rather lackluster about it all.  It's quite the anticlimax, I have to say.

Oddly, what I'm finding really satisfying is succeeding.  I'm not sure if that sounds ridiculous or smug, but it's true - at the end of a day when I've done well and not succumbed to my brain ranting about sipping diet coke or munching dark chocolate, I feel great.  A little wanting in the belly, but great nonetheless.

Does this mean I'm stronger?  More focussed?  Do I actually possess some grains of willpower and determination after all?  I guess only time will tell, but for now I will hold out some hope that I have even shadows of either.

The stage awaits.  I'm looking ahead.

Leg day on Friday = a weekend of funny walks and stair avoidance.

(ana) oh leg day, how I secretly love you and hate you at the same time.

So, if you have never seen my legs, they are, well, "pretty awesome" to quote my team mate Bailey.   :). But as strong and powerful as they may seem to some, they often leave me shaking my head in wonder as I try to do 25 simple leg extensions with virtually no weight and feel like my quads are going to be ripped off the bone. Soooooo painful and hard.   Yes, read that with a whiney voice.  

How can I leg press over 540 pounds and survive to tell the take but the 25 reps on the leg extension makes me want to cry.   Things are not often what they seem, I am learning.

Trainer Jamie was away so we were trainer by trainer Kevin. Just as hard and brutal. We worked on quads first and hamstrings. By the time hamstrings came along, we were all a wobbling mess. We had to lie down on our tummies on a bench, then raised legs and hips off the bench to engage the hamstrings.   First set, hard.  second set, I was getting tired and frustrated at how long they were taking. So took a deep breathe and pounded them out like they were nothing.   Please be assured they were awfully hard, but I figured the faster I got them done the better. 

Trainer Kevin was very entertained by my tired and desperate shenanigans.   Glad I was able to entertain him. :)