And it begins (or not?)..

Bailey

Unfortunately, I am not as eloquent as Jen when it comes to voicing how I feel about training for a fitness competition. Jen is so concise. Able to relate how she feels in a sentence or two. And you know exactly how she feels about it. She's excited, so much so she's vibrating!

And maybe that's where my problem is. I'm not sure how I feel about it - not just yet anyways. The idea of looking like a bikini competitor is exciting, no doubt. But the journey to get there is a scary one. Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a perfectionist. Being the perfectionist that I am, the thought of trying and not succeeding scares the crap out of me! And I feel like not succeeding is a very, VERY likely outcome, given my past history with food. Looking back, I've never been successful at fueling my body appropriately. I get stuck in the social aspect of food and beverages (alcoholic beverages, let's be real now). And the times where I felt I made a conscious effort to "be good" so to speak, I have been unsuccessful and very frustrated. All rabbit food and no weight loss makes Bailey a dull girl.. and a bitch. Hah!

Sound familiar? I'm sure most people have been in my shoes. "Might as well eat whatever the hell I want if nothing is going to change!" (Insert next excuse now). (And another). (Might as well throw in one more). Sigh.

The nice thing is I have two very strong and beautiful ladies behind me. And very motivated ladies. That's scary though as well. I don't like the idea of people seeing me struggling. Struggling seems lame, and I don't want to be the dark horse dragging the whole team down because I'm too much of a lame-o to believe in myself. They seem to believe in me 100%, and part of me says "thanks" while the other says "don't you know me! I can't do this (and holy crap, I REALLY want a beer right now!)".

So I'm going to take it one step at a time. We'll see where this whole thing goes. Either way I'm really excited to cheer on these 2 amazing ladies taking this journey as well! You should see them, they rock!

So my first blog is complete! I apologize if my blogs to come sound A LOT like this one. I have a feeling they will! My internal struggle with should I, or should I not.. Here's to the future!